By John P. Napolitano CFP®, CPA, PFS, MST | Founder & Chairman
In honor of Valentine’s Day–because nothing says “I love you” like financial planning…
Not many people get to sit in a room with a couple and go deep on the topic of money. Next to a therapist, advisors are up there. We get to see what causes friction and what causes peace and purpose.
Here are six observations about what money tells us about marriage and how to build a stronger financial (and emotional) dream together.
Money Measures Your Priorities
When couples have the financial means to do almost anything, their choices say a lot about their shared values. Do you both prioritize the same things, like travel, family experiences, or saving for the future? Or do your preferences diverge when resources are abundant? If you want to know what’s actually important to you, check your financial statements.
You Can’t Assume Your Partner Agrees
Conflicts often start as a seed. If one partner feels left out of financial decisions or notices a lack of transparency, it’s natural to wonder, “Am I a priority?” You might not be getting explicit feedback for one reason or another. Regularly discussing financial goals and expectations not only avoids misunderstandings but also affirms your partnership.
Everyone Has a Financial Backstory
Spender or saver? Risk-taker or security-seeker? How you approach money is often influenced by upbringing, experiences, and personality. We’ve seen more than a few conflicts resolved by each side understanding where their spouse’s financial values come from. Personal history matters.
More Money Amplifies Habits—Good or Bad
More money doesn’t inherently solve financial stress; it magnifies existing habits. Income grows. Self-denial decreases. What comes out tells you a lot about yourself. The most successful couples I know are great at keeping their priorities in check as their net worth grows.
Nothing Tests Partnership Like Risk
When finances get precarious, couples can respond in two ways. One is to blame. Whose fault is it? The other is partnership. Now that we’re in it, how can we pull together? From paying off debt to navigating unexpected expenses, financial challenges can either divide you or bring you closer. Success lies in seeing yourselves as a team working toward a solution rather than adversaries.
Money Isn’t Everything—But It Sure Helps
Love may not be about dollars and cents, but financial compatibility plays a crucial role in long-term happiness. Don’t assume marriages will stay happy in every other area if your financial world is at odds. After all, it’s not about having the most money—it’s about using it to build a life you both cherish.
